Happy happy talk

I'll be waiting, I'll be watching, under a blue moon. A taste of heaven, can only happen, once in a blue moon.
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Long time no write! I was feeling sick the whole week and last week was crazy... I don't remember much about it.

How's my life so far?... so much better! I am so glad I am finally typing these words: I am happy.
Reasons why I'm happy:
I don't feel as empty.
I can breathe normally again because my colds lightened up a bit.
Jesher's trying to make up for things.
I passed all my midterm exams.
I now know how to enjoy my time with my friends.
Emilie gave birth to Iñaqui, my first ever godson, last Monday night(9:21pm).

So many things happened. Apparently, I wasn't quite alright when I wrote my last entry for my blog (which has a new template again in case you didn't notice... I just seem to can't get enough!). I guess I was really sad that time. I didn't know if I made the right decision about holding on to our relationship or not. So many questions bothered me. I had so many fears. It seemed like my anxieties would never end.

Now, I still have many questions. I still have many fears, but... I don't know. I just feel so carefree. Maybe the healing last prayer meeting helped. I cannot explain why I suddenly feel this way. Maybe I finally learned how to not expect too much... to not limit my world with so much thoughts of him. I still love him... a lot... but I'm trying to still move on with all the hurts. I know I can't leave them all behind, but I'm trying my best to embrace them until I can feel the pain no more. I am weird. As I look back on our fateful and heartbreaking conversation, I could only smile now, when I could only breakdown before. I just had so many realizations. I finally was able to love myself... after all these years of giving my heart to someone else.

I can't wait to see Sky, Dyann, Mhay and Jellyn again. In a span of days, I was able to learn so much from them. I forgot how to be a child, and they reminded me how. I never knew life could be so much fun, I had been missing a lot (thanks to my strict parents and to my strict self).

... Jesher? He will always be everywhere for me... I can't promise that I would think of him less, but I definitely know I would start to forgive him bit by bit. It's just that I can feel we're both bitter about life. Maybe that's the reason why we're both going through hardships this much. I don't wanna be bitter anymore. It's so tiring, and it sucks the life out of me. It's bad enough that one of us is... I hope I can be strong for him always. Even if it means ending up as his friend. Hey... that's not so bad either. Right now, I'm just enjoying what I have. I don't wanna expect the worst...because I know God knows best... and I have the best. Best pain, best happiness, best blessings, and the best love that is suitable for me.