fading drops

what could be the most hurting thing?

it's like pretending i don't mind...but every little thing is an endless prick. a tiny puncture is made but the pain is radiating. and what if these accumulate, if not everyday... how about every other day? or after every two days or three days?

no... somewhere amidst my"choosing-to-be-happy" existence... there's gotta be a prick. even if "splendid" is the only way to go... there's just gotta be a downside. it's like fate is taunting me... " yes... go ahead love life. here is what you get."

and then i bleed. apply pressure to that tiny finger. use a sterile piece of cotton ball. press hard. sting. sting. sting. i go on keeping a straight face.

it is way more serious than obtaining my daily capillary blood glucose.

i bleed... no pressure can relieve the pain. it's like i just let myself bleed, allow all the blood to coagulate and get nourishment from it.

then i keep it from being given away. because i'd rather bleed than deal with all the hollowness without that seemingly insignificant prick.