Trouble being a friend

 The truth will always catch up on you. 

I will let time do its task, 

as it is the best discoverer of honesty. 

I have learned,

ignorance can lead to assumptions.

Anger... to illusions. 

Wrong kind of love... to misdirected rage. 

Why are you so vain?

Like Carly sang...

I bet you think this musing is about you? 

Thank you...

for reminding me of not becoming into someone

I would never like to be. 

Aimless contemplation

 It won't be long now...

Though you are barely making it, 

and you feel the hours are long, 

while the days are running short. 

It won't be long now... 

Before things start turning around. 

Time flies when you dread the end, 

but it drags when you look forward to a close. 

Only the passage of days seem swift...

the healing, appears to take forever. 

Look over your shoulder, 

and appreciate how far you've come. 

Be thankful for goodbyes, 

because it means there are good memories to keep. 

Be accepting of what will be, 

and avoid being reduced by circumstances which are against you. 

Be mindful of your words. 

You can take them back, but the pain you caused will remain for a time. 

Don't take things personally...

people are just doing their best to survive...

because like you, they too, are barely making it. 

Take it easy. 

Know in your heart that however the situation pans out, 

it will always be God's redirection. 

Your life still matters even with all your imperfections. 

It won't be long now...

Hold on to that trickle of hope that you still see.

What God holds for you, is what will be. 

***

Slept early because I had to bear a terrible headache the whole day.  I was feeling distressed because of the upcoming Town Hall meeting tomorrow.  The e-mail that we all received, affected us immediately.  The memo was well written, but I could read through the words.  We all could.  Now we can only hope for the best.  Praying for the strength to endure whatever will come to be.

Note above is about me, being there for me. At the end of the day, I have to be there for me.  I also have to tell myself off, when I feel I have been unkind.  Will do my best to hold it out, with anxiety and all.

Slept my feelings away, as usual, because slumber has become my best defense mechanism. Put on some relaxing ukulele music in the background to calm my heart.  Woke up to the soft pitter patter of the rain on my window. 

It's raining in Abu Dhabi.  

Though it meant winter is approaching, and I am not a fan of the cold, my heart found hope.  As the season starts to change, I am reminded that what I am going through will not last. It won't be long now... I will get to a better season soon.  

Just had to write it out before my thoughts get lost in oblivion.  

The way I used to be

Another old musing of mine resurfaced in facebook. Damn that thing... always reliving what was.  I took a long time off social media a few years back for this reason. It helped me forget, because FB reminding me everyday of what my life had been the past years, was just pure torment. 

11 years ago, I wrote a note. It was down right from the gut.  I remember why I wrote it... I can hark back to the scenario that led me into that emotional state.  I still know who I was pertaining to. Haha! Years later, that person would try to add me as a friend in facebook, but I never acknowledged the friend request.  I just didn't see the point, I still don't.  😂

"This will be the last minute that I will let you hurt me. No. I will not retaliate... but every time that I have to cross paths with you again, I would painstakingly fight back... silently... not to hurt you even if you deserve it... but to appease my mind and free myself of every misery I allowed you to bring."

It was a moment of freeing myself from the baggage that were weighing me down.

A two minute read-note. Looking back, I marvel at how I had the time to even entertain those kind of feelings... then again I know myself. I was always in touch with my sentiments... that was why I could write the way I write. Well, not anymore. Adulting has changed me. Now I reject some emotions, because sometimes, it's the only way to survive, and the saddest thing about it, is that, I don't write it out anymore, like the way I used to before.

Maybe because I didn't trust myself that I could still write. I was hurting too much, and writing hurt the most, because it would mean confronting my emotions. Sometimes I wouldn't be able to help myself though. I have so many scribbles in all sorts of objects I could write on... a sheet of tissue paper/paper towel, back of receipts, candy wrappers... the list goes on. There were times that I allow myself to give in... because at least I would be saving some pieces of the old me.

These are heartwarming comments. I wish I could write that way again. It seems that I lost my mojo. Or am I really aging, that my trains of thoughts seem to quickly vaporize to thin air as soon as I think of them?

Will I ever transform back to my writing self again?