nonchalance

I stand there looking like I cannot see, going about everywhere and just basically going out of the way. It has become an automatic reflex. And I could see the puzzle in your eyes, trying to ask me how the hell are you going to figure out...

NO can do.

That's the only thing that is certain.

the lines of my own earth...

I almost gave up. For once, the time and circumstance were in my favor... it was destined to end, so it seemed. It was so easy to turn my back and just leave everything hanging. Tired I was... I did not want to care anymore. You know the feeling of never wanting to look back? That was how I felt... like cherishing the last two footsteps in a place you so wanted to leave.

Yet again, I was bruised as could be... but there's something different now.

Last night, I felt it again... the same resignation. Somehow, I've revived the old me that I miss... my stronger self.

I keep repeating to myself the lines of Pablo Neruda's poem that I love so much... the one poem that helped me get through all the times of my brokenness...

Come what may. I have no regrets for trying to give it all... but if it comes to a point where all will lead to a dead end, I swear I would climb over a wall, swim a river, jump over a fall. Yes... I will accept that I came to an end, but I will not look back. So help me God.

sleepless sleep

I am losin' my mind.

Everyday I have to convince myself to try and live for another day. My simple turned habitual struggles drain out all the strength and confidence in me.

Seriously... I wanna sleep the whole week through...

I am losing my mind.

Madonna's song triggered it all.

Sleep, sleep... I need sleep. The real sleep. The sleep without haunting nightmares about endorsements gone wrong and other hospital related problems of mine.

Buti na lang... hahaha...

Didn't I tell you I was losing my mind?

Of blue moons and guitars

"The room is empty. The lights are dim and my heart wonders if I’ll ever see you again."

I can hear the music playing smoothly inside my head. My heart is silently keeping time with the beat...

"My tears are hungry for an open door...when your arms held me, I never felt that way before."

While majority of the people around me were animatedly discussing the wonders and myths of the infamous blue moon, I sat thinking to myself that they just might be true.

"Do you remember when the wind blew free? We fit together so naturally..."

I had the guitar in my arms and I knew at that moment in time... Smile. :)

That thought is for me to keep.

"I’ll be waiting, I’ll be watching under a blue moon. The taste of heaven only happens once in a blue moon."

:)