I wasn't able to attend the prayer meeting last night. I was feeling sick... forgive me Lord, my spirit was willing but my flesh was weak.
Sigh... here I go sighing again. I had trouble sleeping last night. My sister and I had a talk. She was feeling tired after a major fight with her boyfriend, and we talked about something and someone else. Our talk left me sad. I don't know, I was just really miserable after. All these things that people are coping with just to have a relationship... I could only cry with their sad stories. I can feel their pain, and as much as I don't wanna think of myself again, I keep comparing their situation with mine. I feel like crying more when a certain story ended good. How I envy the ending, I wish there would be a happy ending waiting for me... but I know life is not a fairy tale... why am I being so dramatic again? What's with Saturdays anyway?
It's just sad to see people falling apart... it makes me hopeless. I feel like I've been putting myself in deep water for years. I envy most of them, because they don't have to deal with distance... they are the ones making the distance, I really do wish I was in their position. What I wouldn't give to have him back here? I couldn't sleep after eating dinner because I was crying again. Ate Lara must have sensed I was upset because before she went to sleep, she adviced me not to cry for I won't be able to breathe again (I'm having a hard time to breathe, remember? I got this damn cold that won't leave me). I could only laugh... am I that transparent? Or maybe I'm just that parallel upfront and behind. She knows me too well.
Lord, I am feeling lonely again. Please take the loneliness away... if I am meant to feel this, then help me bear the feeling. I miss him so much, I feel like my longing for him will never end. Give me the courage to carry out Your plans for me. I feel like we're both slipping away, and it breaks my heart so... help me get through the pain, please Lord. I'm so tired of feeling this way. Please help me be strong for the two of us... help me accept Your will even if it would hurt.
I'm hoping the day would end better. I woke up feeling so much better, I can't wait to go home and get some sleep.
()()()()()()()()()
"Over the mountains and the sea, Your river runs with love for me, and I will open up my heart and let The Healer set me free..."
Sigh... I hope He sets me free soon.
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