It was probably because of the book that I just finished reading. I did not like the way it ended. I found it tragic. It made me cry in a not so good way. I hate it when that happens. Now I'm regretting that I pushed myself to finish it. I feel so broken.
I got off work early and I was by my lonesome all evening. I had a date with myself. The "me" time as others would like to call it.
I got to reflect about my day... how my body felt... what my head thought... how my heart ached...
So I'm blaming the book for my feeling sad. Yeah... it is the book's fault.
Sometimes what hurt you in the past could go hunting you in the present... and that is what happened to me today.
I thought I was okay about it a long time ago... but today I admittedly felt fear... and pain.
I just don't know which is worse... someone needing you because they thought no one could love them the way you do... or someone needing you because they have not met enough people to give their love to. I don't know why I'm thinking about these things too.
That damned book. It brought back to life a ghost from the not so distant past. I think it hurts me more now because I feel so alone. It is only now... that I feel the weight of it. How could I ever trust that I am meant to be loved?
I wish tomorrow will be a better day. I hope this sadness will be gone after I wake up.
Just putting two and two together... no matter how I try to brush things off... why am I hurting now? I was more accepting months ago. This is what distance can do. I am paranoid as hell.
I better sleep this feeling away.
Sleep can probably set me free.
