favorite word

Sigh... so much with the thought of not being too attatched! I hate myself for letting myself feel this way!

I don't know why I choose to be so pathetic, but hey, I'm just like that. I view his profile in friendster each and everytime and I send him messages too. His status stated single, it used to say In a relationship and Married before... it even said updated profile. He just changed it! His status was married until yesterday. And here I am back to one of my pathetic paranoid phase. Why would he change it diba? And now here I am on the verge of tears again. I bet I never made him feel this way. Maybe I'm right, he doesn't love me as much as before. Why am I thinking of this?! Sigh... how can I stop being like this? And I thought I was successful about not being too attatched na! Who am I kidding?!

I just feel so unsure about us. God help me endure the pain... I don't wann feel hurt again. I don't like to go back to my crying nights. I'm really looking forward to that Life in the Spirit Seminar. Maybe I could learn how to stop being this pathetic after that. Sigh... God please give me the strength to hold back my tears!

Rizal and Bonifacio

Rizal class this morning started out as a real boring class. Our professor had this baritone voice that seemed to lull me to sleep. I am really mean to say this but I was irritated by the way he talked. He had a "p and f" defect. It's just so distracting! As our discussion progressed, I was feeling more and more irritable. I can say that we had another biased discussion.

I'm not against the fact that Rizal is the country's national hero, but that doesn't mean I like him as a national hero. I just don't see why Bonifacio (according to our book) is not capable of being recognized as a national hero because he lost all his battles against the Spaniards. I just don't think that would be a good basis or justifiable reason why he isn't capable. If failuers are the basis of the greatness of a person, it's just like saying students who had failing grades isn't capable of working at all! Sobra naman! Hindi naman sukatan ng galing ang mga kahinaan mo diba? Hmm... feeling ko kailangan naming magdebate sa klase. Masyadon lang bookish professor namin. Everything is just so biased... hmph! I miss UPLB days when students can really speak their minds out!

We're chatting through yahoo messenger as of the moment... Obviously, I'm not at home so we cannot talk on the phone. I got lucky to have caught him on line, this rarely happens...

How can you bear with a lonely heart? I know I said things that shouldn't be said... I'm really good at messing things up. Yesterday I thought things were falling into place, now I feel like they're falling apart again.

There's one thing I painfully learned this year, and I'm sure I won't be able to forget in my whole lifetime. Places change people, and people change places.

I'm not making any sense here...

Things fall apart

My feet are aching like crazy again. When can I stop wearing these high-heeled shoes?...

The week was sluggish and at the same time fast. Things were falling apart at the start but as of the moment... everything is starting to fall into place. WoW. God is good all the time! Just when I was about to give up He sent me signs that gave me hope and encouragement. When you truly trust in Him things go right in the end. I feel so blessed!

I am so jovial to finally have my schedule fixed. At least I can sleep at nights without having to worry about it. I really thought things were falling apart...

I'm looking forward to a great weekend. It's gonna be Paula's birthday party and I am determined to have fun. I deserve to have a break from the tiring week. Falling in lines was never this chaotic! I thought my legs were about to explode. I wish he'd think of calling. I miss him so much. I cried the other night because of thinking of him. I just wish he's here. (I am really pathetic!)

Sigh... sem break is over. I'm back to my agonizing days in Manila.

My sem-break wasn't that bad as I thought it will be. I didn't get totally bored at home, I went out a couple of times and I enjoyed being alone. He called almost everyday and I was really glad about it. I think we're okay now. (Thank God!) I think I'm starting to really heal completely. I don't wanna think about what he did, or what I felt then. I want to forget what happened. He's here to stick around and that is what matters. I can smile now. (I miss the crying nights though... but I'm glad it's all over now because I'm starting to love the pain and that is totally wrong.)

I had a crazy Sunday. The PYM elections at church was crazy. The people were like lunatics, my head ached after it, but hey... I had a blast! It was just crazy... simply crazy.