love stories

I'm wasting my money by lingering in the computer shop an hour longer. I can't help myself... I'm so engrossed with the love stories written at peyups. It's been a long time since I last did this, reading love stories and stuffs associated with it. I'm afraid I would feel the unwanted hurt again when a story would be so much like mine.

I read almost every article and I had comments for each one I read. They hurt me big time still, but I guess the hurting would never stop. I need to let go, but it's so hard. I think I can never learn how.

I had a sentimental night, I don't know what came over me, but I thought about him again and I had another senseless, but good cry. I was holding back my tears while doing the laundry last night, and I was trying my best not to make sounds... I didn't want people to ask me what the problem was. I want to keep all my hurts to myself. Why do I love him so much? I really feel he doesn't love me as much as before... why am I still here waiting for him? Why am I torturing myself?... because I pathetically know that I would be hurt even more if I would let him go. I think I need more pillows to comfort me, I have eight pillows in my bed, plus three stuff toys for additional comfort. I hug each of them when I'm sad.

Anywayz, I woke up feeling better. I wrote about him and I placed it in my something-for-God-to-do box. I don't know if He would give me what I want, but I do know He'd give me what I need.

It was a peaceful morning for me. I pray that I could feel this way everyday. The traffic was light on my way to school, the aircon in the bus was bearable, and I wasn't late for class. I cought Jesher on line at yahoo messenger but we weren't able to chat because he's tired. Sigh... God granted me my prayer... I wasn't hurt that much. He allowed me to be numb for awhile.

And while all the articles I read in peyups make my heart break all over again, I'm still here thinking about him, without the slightest intention of letting him go. I don't wanna think of what might be if I do... because I'll never know.