Songs, memories and a dozen sighs

Song, Memories and a dozen Sighs

"Woke up today, thinking of you...another night and I made my way through. So many dreams still left in my mind, but it can never come true. I press rewind and remember when, I close my eyes and I'm with you again...but in the end, I can still feel the pain, everytime I hear your name...the sun won't shine since you went away, seems like the rain's falling everyday. There's just one heart where there once was two. That's the way it's gotta be...until I get over you.."

Sigh... I woke up this morning and I kept on sighing. I have sung all the heartbreaking songs that I can think of, and then... sigh... When will these sighing moments stop? I was told that when you're carrying a heavy load in your heart, sigh, and things will ease up a bit. I must have sighed about a dozen times, but still I feel the same. What can free me from the weight of this pain? Sigh... sigh... sigh...

EDSA LRT was, as usual, crowded this morning. Thousands of people from different walks of life rushed here and there, some with preoccupied faces...some with far away looks, some with smiling eyes... and lots of sleepy faces.

This Mr. T-square (a guy was carrying this huge t-square) passed by me and his scent came diffusing in the thin, polluted, Manila air. Breathe... and then... sigh... I remembered suddenly... he used to smell that way. I remembered our hiking, when he held my hand. I remembered the cap he borrowed, which, when he gave back, was smelling so good...like that of the scent Mr. T-square had.

Sigh... memories of him keep on haunting me everywhere. I'm not obliged to not think of him...it's just that thinking of him still hurts. Even though we're still together, everything about him just hurts.

What shall I do? For the first time in years, I am realizing that what we had was like a joke that seems true... but it was really true for me... but maybe not for him? Should I let everything go now? I am so unwilling to trust... but I cannot say goodbye.

Sigh... the girl beside me in the computer shop is ranting about tsitsarong bulaklak...
... January 26,2000... LS2K... Rizal Memorial Stadium... HP Plaza... he made me eat it.

Sigh... memories of him... when will this sighing stop?

"When will this river of tears stop falling, where can I run so I won't be alone? Can't walk away when the pain keeps calling, I just gotta take it from here on my own...but it's so hard to let go..."