terms of endearment

Sigh... ( I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad sigh)...

Okay... because I'd like to think I still have some traces of that bright and shiny spirit, I think that sigh will be... a good sigh. HAY!

It must be the rain... the rain used to make me feel melancholic and in some ways more than one, makes me cathartic. Amidst the feeling of merriment, I can feel this tinge of sadness brought about by who knows what... (reminder: I am happy and I should not dwell on foolish anxieties). Yeah... I'm allowing myself to think of this unidentified feeling for only an hour and I promise not to think of it again. I am happy...don't wanna worry my life away.

It's just that...things are getting crazier. Much as I try not to be amused, the more I get enticed. Hay! You know what sucks? It sucks to find out that I have this little side of me that wants to play around. Hmm...play around? Or is it play safe? It's just like what I reason out to my friends each and everytime... I just don't wanna get frustrated again. I am contradicting myself by saying I don't wanna play around and yet, I am placing myself in a situation that is more complicated than ever... My situation is bordering in a pseudorelationship much to my dismay. Okay, so not really that pseudo-pseudo relationship... arghh! I can't explain what it is!...what we are... All I can say is that I am enjoying things as they are and I am right about scared to take the next step. (there... can't believe this... I admitted my real feelings for two entries in a row now, wah! I am really changing!)

Why the hell am I planning to keep this bottle of (not so unique beverage) with me? Ahahaha! This day had been a blast. My tummy ached like hell, and by the end of the day, I was in the verge of puking. The rain made things even more nostalgic... I can clearly remember the running hours... the pink clothes, the cold room, the certificates, the jacket I borrowed, the warmth... and the terms of endearment? (would it qualify as that?!)

SIGH... I wonder how long I will be able to take this...

What do you think? Was it a good or bad sigh?

...I'm giving myself just an hour, nothing more and nothing less.