fading pieces of me

I noticed that's it's been more than two months since I last went home to Muntinlupa... It's been ages since I last visited any part of Laguna... I can't recall the last time I was really eager to be home to be one with whatever atmosphere I had been used to at home...

SIGH... I just realized that I am not the same person I used to be.

I feel like everyday that goes by, I keep forgetting who I am...

The start of the semester had been a bizzare one. Fresh from summer break, I wasn't really sure if I had been heart broken or not. I left everything to chance not knowing what would come.

Almost two months had passed since the semester started.

Unlike before, I take the time to bond with my classmates. Gone are the days when my favorite place on earth was the hammock by our close to dying garden in Muntinlupa.Gone are the days when I was always eager to go home the minute class is dismissed... Tambay moments? I never thought I would see myself having tambay moments with my youthful friends who enjoy their time doing anything and nothing.



Honestly, I feel blessed that I have been given days when I worried about nothing and just laughed like crazy...like tomorrow's never gonna come. I also have new found friends... well, just one, now that I think of it, but still, I feel more attatched to my classmates now than before.



I didn't know there were so many things to enjoy in life. Hahahaha! Sobrang manang ko talaga before, ang dami ko talagang namiss! I am trying to make up for it now by trying out a whole lot of new things.



SIGH... it all feels so surreal... I am actually enjoying my new life. I didn't know I had such a fun-loving side of me. I'd like to think, or so I have realized, that I might not be that boring at all. Hehe... I have learned a lot... not lessons about our nursing subjects... but simply lessons about life that I wasn't able to grasp before. I feel so renewed. I can feel the change deep within me. I am now optimistic, my foolish anxities had lessen, and I feel contented with my life.



I should be happy right? So why am I sensing this lurking gloom somewhere in the recesses of my...what?heart?soul? SIGH... I am not really certain where that gloomy feeling is emanating from. I just feel it.



It's just that... I feel, that everyday that goes by that I allow myself to grow and change... everytime that I get older... I can't help but leave pieces of me behind.



I don't know myself anymore. Looking at myself now, I could see the benefits that the change in me had done, but I could also see the harm it inflicted upon me.



I miss the In-in that I am with ComLec. I miss being Krish with T.A. and I miss being...sigh... I miss being the old writing, crying and singing me.



Maybe I just need to go back home... go back to our real home. Just to remind me of who I really am. I need to see ComLec, I feel the need to serve because I had long forgotten the feeling that I am blessed to have the privilege to do so, and I need to go see T.A. and fool around with them.



Hahaha... or maybe I'm just scared that I'm moving on too fast. I don't wanna leave the people who are dearest to me behind. I don't wanna forget how I used to be, because I think I had like what and who I was... although I'm only realizing it now...



SIGH... again!hehehe...



And him? He made me realize there is more to me than being so idealistic and choosy and serious. Maybe he had to be in my life so that I could realize that I need to take a break, have fun and enjoy my time... I know nothing will come to be. Just like when the sem started, I am still letting things happen...



Just don't wanna wake up one day feeling empty because I left all the pieces of the old me behind... I fear that if I start to embrace the new me, I would start to hurt all over again.

*You are my sweetest downfall...*