pseudorelationship?

I've never been the one to fool around, especially when it comes to a relationship...or love for that matter. I'd like to think my time is too precious to be wasted on games that aren't worth the pain.

I had a realization two weeks ago... I have been making myself suffer because of so many foolish anxieties that's why I feel miserable most of the time. Thanks to wonderwall and yogi bear, I had realized how blessed I am, and how my life means something more than what I'd like to think of it.

I feel like I'm Meredith Grey... in the sense that I am bright and shiny like her. Two weeks ago, after that sentimental moment by the hammock, I promised myself that I would choose to be happy no matter what happens. Yeah... it never really hurt to look at the brighter side of things and I am trying my best to do just that. I found out that being optimistic (and bright and shiny like Meredith) makes everything in life funny and bearable. I had a great time laughing my troubles off...as in sincerely laughing about it. For once in my life, I can attest that I had really felt cheerful. I am happy...because it had been my choice to be happy.

Let go and let God... I am so overwhelmed by His unconditional love. All the hurts I had felt during the summer had suddenly disappeared. I realized that I've got no reason to be sad and that if some things aren't meant to be, I just have to accept that.

Such is the case with him...that dying flicker of him. The last of the embers had been put out and I couldn't ask for anything more. I am contented with the fact that we can talk to each other again, give each other high fives, and make faces at each other like nothing awkward really happened between us. Not even once did we talk about what transpired over the summer. We never talked about our feelings, and I accepted our renewed friendship whole heartedly.

I am guilty that I might have been too friendly lately... that I have made him feel that I am okay with whatever he's good doing at. Maybe I have been riding along too much that even though we don't talk much about our feelings, he had the impression that we still have this understanding.

Bright and shiny Krish is being put to the test. I honestly enjoyed my day spending most of the time with him. He has this arrogant stance that makes me feel majestic in a number of wordless ways... and he surprises me each time. He's snobbish and sweet...just the way I like. I don't know if I should let myself feel him... coz I'd like to think I learned my lesson and that he just isn't the one... but I had fun...and I was happy (so damn hard to be honest to myself...no time for denial now, I am too happy).

Should I stop being too friendly?Or should I go on lavishing the happy feeling? I honestly don't want him to think I'd want things to turn back 'round, because I've already accepted the fact that it's close to impossible... but he isn't doing anything anyway, so I'd like to think I am not fooling around. I am definitely not playing around, I've never been the type to do that...

Sigh... whatever... I am just letting things happen.

It's just really weird... to realize I have felt the warmth, when I should've felt the cold...

No fooling around, promise.