wag ako?!

"I finally find you and I collide..." (this is my song of the moment: Collide by Howie Day)

I mean literally...

When was it that I last felt this way? Last sem? That was more of a superficial infatuation that ended as soon as it happened.

Now? I do not like to think of what might be happening with me again. I just wish I am that numb girl I was way back in high school. I feel the need to complicate my life when I could live it in the simplest possible way I can.

What's the reason behind writing this non-directional entry?

I don't know...my mind is as blank as my heart.

I tried updating my diary last night and all I did was stare at the pages. I owe my diary tons of stories about what's happening with my not so good life, and last night, I finally had all the time and I wasted it because I just stared... hahaha!stared at the clock ticking...stared at the dining table with its glistening thai silk cover, stared at the screener up in the ceiling that screeched like crazy, stared at the dark kitchen, stared at my pen... I just stared and stared. I wasn't even thinking!

Or maybe I was thinking too much that I don't remember what I was really thinking of.

Then suddenly, at 1:35 am, I picked up my pen and started scribbling away.

I wrote a poem about him again.

Not as interesting as "Kalabaw ng Buwan"... but I wrote what I really felt.

When was the last time I felt this way? How do I know that I like this guy a lot?

SIGH... this morning I found out... and staring for hours around the house had helped me clear my mind.

I start to really like someone when I start writing poems about him.

And he and I literally collide...hahaha!

Uh-oh... I'm in deep trouble again.

Wish I could be a bird so I can fly, fly, fly away.