my King Arthur and Lancelot

I watched King Arthur last Monday night. The movie was okay... I was so intrigued with the story, I kept rewinding the scenes over and over again so I would be able to understand the story better.

The battle scenes were the usual battle scene... bloody and gross, dragging too. Being the cry baby I am... I cried...all because of a knight who risked his life, trying to break the ice (literally break the ice they were standing on) with the hope that the enemy would be killed.That's not an unusual thing either. What really affected me was the part where Lancelot died because of saving Guinevere's life...more like continuing her battle and dying for it.

I spent the whole night thinking of that scene and I didn't know what time it was when I finally lost myself to sleep.

Guinevere married Arthur in the end... and Lancelot?... his bravery was just a mere memory.

Though the movie didn't really have lines that actually confirmed that Lancelot liked Guinevere, his actions said so. He didn't do anything to win her, because he knew she was for Arthur (or I just like to think so).

If I were Guinevere... who would be my Lancelot?... who would be my Arthur?

I had someone in mind. I remembered all the sweet and noble deeds he had done for me. He was always there even when I didn't need him. He was something I couldn't easily throw away because he kept hanging around. He was my Lancelot... and like Guinevere, my heart was only for an Arthur who didn't even notice me.

I was so sure about the way I felt. He was just Lancelot, and I thought it will forever stay that way. He was everything I needed... but he didn't mean anything... didn't mean more than a friend at least. I thought I will never feel the same...

...but I did. He was just Lancelot until senior year came. He could have been Lancelot always...forever standing by to finish the battles I started and dying for me in the end. He could just have been Lancelot who could only give wistful glances without having to touch even an inch of my skin. He could just have been Lancelot...and nothing more than that.

But I made him my Arthur... and he did so much more than I expected.

Now?... he isn't my Arthur anymore, and he isn't my Lancelot either. Perhaps Kings just change when they venture in another kingdom. Maybe they just forget that they have Queens like Guinevere and feel okay with the idea of starting to live a life full of contentment like nothing was lost.

If I am Guinevere...who would be my Lancelot?...who would be my Arthur?

Only time can tell...

I just need to stay in my dark cell for now...I don't need the torture Guinevere had to go through. I just need a dark cell so I could fill it with my thoughts. Maybe when I finally realize that there are lots of potential Lancelots and Arthurs out there, I would leave my dark cell bravely and face the real world again.

By then, I pray that I would be able to choose who should be the deserving Arthur, and the right Lancelot...

...but just still Lancelot and nothing more than that.