I have always been pessimistic about life. I am so negative about almost everything. I always say I'm tired of life and living it.I'm trying to find something I don't know what, and I am tired of having to find nothing at all. I am tired of living. I want my life to end. Death always seem the best answer. If I die, I won't have to worry about the future. If I die, I wouldn't have to find out if he and I were really meant to be. If I die, my funeral and burial would be the last expense my family has to make for me. I wouldn't have to add to their finances anymore. I could write a thousands of ifs and thens. Death seem to be the answer. Death is a sure way of escaping my life.
Death must be good then. Should I die then? Then I think of how I live my life.
I get tired by just trying to be safe everytime I travel. I take medicine when my migraine attacks.I eat when I am hungry. I am tired of living... but these things I do make me realize that I don't wanna lose my life. I wanna preserve it. Why else would I wanna be safe everytime?Why would I take a drug to relieve my pain?... I'ts because I don't wanna die. I wanna live.
You know what I'm really tired about? I'm tired of having to deal with the difficulties in life. I'm tired of having to go through pain before I can finally gain.I'm tired of worrying about people with bad intentions. I am tired of all the hardships in life.
Maybe I just think of the negative side of things too much. What happened to the saying "Look at the bright side?" Maybe my life sucks because I create too much fuss about it. So today... I thought of simple things that make me happy.
SIMPLE THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
- a classmate that eats lunch with me
- a tricycle that leaves the terminal quickly
- not having to commute
- hearing a favorite song that hasn't been played for a long time
- passing a quiz or an exam without studying
- not being late for class
- finding a seat in the library
- having someone to talk to on the bus on the way home
- a pen with a good ink
- a nice poem
- a hearty meal
- a smile from my crush
- jesher's calls (...pathetic!)
- a friend request in friendster
- light flow of traffic
- a nice shade of lipstick
- a cute fan
- a soft handkerchief
- a call from an old friend
O diba... there's so many simple things that make me happy. Maybe I am the one who's making my life so bad by the way I react. I must learn to accept life as it is, coz it's never gonna be a smooth ride always.
Sigh... I think I feel better now. My life's not so bad. My day started great. I am to meet ate Lara at Makati tonight, and we'd go home together, and I would have the chance to sleep on the ride, and I wouldn't be that tired when I get home. That is such a happy thought. Who said life sucks so much?
Hahaha... "It's not at all that bad my friend..."
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