Heartburn

 Thought I felt nothing.

When I heard the words, and realized what needs to be done, my mind was abuzz.  I said okay right away. Didn't even think about it, I just answered, "Okay, let's do it." 

I've been putting off having myself checked, for so long. Alright, maybe because I was too afraid of what I would find out. It could also be that, I thought what I have is probably nothing, given the fact that my previous check ups didn't have significant results. 

Now this.  

Like I said, I thought I felt nothing. 

By nothing, I mean, my heart did not race.  The terms that I heard, did not sink in right away.  By nothing, I meant, I suddenly felt all my fears melt away.  What gives? Come what may.  I felt okay. Was I really okay? 

I can't bring myself to inform my family. Making them worry would also make me worry. Let me worry about myself then.  

Then it came. 

I thought it was a burp coming up. 

The rushing through my chest and throat was so nasty. I felt the left part of my chest burn. Like someone poured boiling water on it. I thought I would find a scald. I couldn't swallow anymore. My throat was on fire! Coughing it out made it worse. Tried dousing the fiery feeling by drinking water. It was futile. 

Heard my roommate call out to me and asked if I was just alright.  

I answered, but my voice was hoarse. 

It was the most terrible acid reflux I have ever experienced.  Left me feeling so uncomfortable the whole night.  

Did I repress my real emotion back then? It was as if my body knew better, it just had to find a way to express itself.  

I firmly believe God will not give me something I cannot bear.  

Whatever the findings may be, I will learn about it in the coming days... I know God will never let go of my hand.  He will walk with me all the way. 

I think I'm okay.  I think I'll be okay.  ☺