now and then

*right now, face to face, all my fears, pushed aside... right now, I'm ready to spend the rest of my life, with you.* - crazy for this girl, evan and jaron

There's no turning back...

It's not like I want to turn back in the first place. I knew that when I felt like saying those words back, I was ready. Or so I thought. hehe.

SIGHing a happy, wondering sigh. Hahahaha! Finally, finally, finally... ;)

Here are the things that I'm missing:

• waking up without having to argue with myself if i should text first or not. (was always resigned not to text first)
  
• dedicating the cards i read to my non-existent special someone (it gives me the feeling of being in a natural high thinking that someday i might find someone who'd be worthy enough to be given those cards to.hopeless romantic i am!)
• thinking of only me... and me... and me... and just me... haha! selfish?!
• staying up late at night talking to myself, reflecting and dreaming by myself, and laughing and crying only to myself.
  
• not having to say the way i feel because i am not obliged to and nobody cares what i really think. (i am so fine with that)

Things I have to live with now:

• texting and pestering him anytime i feel like it with hesitation. (sorry, naninibago pa ko. cut me some slack!)
  
• giving the cheesiest cards i could find. (hahahaha!)
• thinking of me, him, me and him, and me with him. (dalawa naman, at least nag improve na, hindi lang puro sarili!)
• staying up late at night talking with him, reflecting, arguing and debating with him, dreaming with him, and laughing and simply feeling sad with him.
  
• the hardest thing: not being able to use the words "wala lang", "ewan", " hindi ko alam", "basta", and "secret" as answers to the most mind boggling and senseless questions of his.

The things that I'm missing... that's all they are. Missed...

The things that I have to live with right now... are better than those that I'm missing.

So when I said there's no turning back...

I really meant it.

*I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else but here...*

in danger

"Remember when you said that you would change? ... Don't let me down..."

Wasn't it two summers ago when I can identify myself with Gwen Stefani's 4 in the morning?... That particular line hitting me right through the heart. I remember having to spend a few days at MCM delivery room for completion duty. I was content but not expecting. Then I'd go home late at night, dad would pick me up, and that song would play on the radio, and I would think of him. The tiring story went on and on.

SIGH... scary sigh this time.

I don't know what's with him. I don't know why I believe in him so much. Even before when I accepted the fact that he'll never be the man I almost want him to be with me, I never stopped believing he could change.

I know that there are some truths that I can only feel inside my heart. Maybe I do have a gift of seeing the better side of people despite their monstrosity. I have been warned that if I keep on being like this, I would end up hating the world.

There are no words for this. Time and again, I have heard people say that to explain something that they cannot explain. Now, I find myself saying the same thing.

There are no words for this.

All I know is that, I'm feeling the same feeling I felt before. Hopeful... and still not expecting.

SIGH... how selfless could I still be? I thought I have nothing left to give.

"And all I know is, you've got to give me everything, and nothing less coz you know I'd give you all of me."