looking back

Today is my "trip to the past" day.

I went to two places that changed my life greatly.

I didn't want to think it was too long ago, but it's been quite a while since I last stepped foot in my old high school. I thought I would never have a reason to come back... my favorite teachers were gone, I don't know anyone in there anymore, all my friends in the lower batches are in college too... I thought I would never see that place again...

How wrong I was.

I needed this certificate that will prove that I graduated as part of the upper 40% in high school. So against all my will, I had to go back there and face my fears. I feared so many things. I feared seeing Sir. John. I feared him asking me how I am...how he is... how we are.

As you know, everything is different now. I feared that Sir. John might be disappointed that I still haven't graduated. I didn't want to talk about him and me because it's honestly still painful for me, and I don't wanna cry in front of him.

I was so anxious at the start of the day like I always am. I was hoping against hope that the school staff had forgotten about me and him being together so there would be no questions asked.

When I got there, I was surprised to see a different place. It still had its homey feeling, but deep inside, I couldn't help feeling like a stranger. The place looked entirely different. Gone was the quadrangle where we used to catch frogs in Biology class. The open spaced school that I got used to before felt strangely tight now with its newly built walls. I couldn't help but be sad. Memories came flooding in my mind.

I went straight to the office to get what I need to have things done and over with. Sir. John was forever present. I was nervous and relieved about it. I felt welcome and even the owners of the school were very friendly to me. They talked to me as if I was one of them.

"Sabi ni Jica ang baboy baboy na raw ni Jesher! Bakit hindi siya nagee-mail sa 'kin?"

Did he really have to ask? I was afraid he might, and he really did! Typical of Sir. John to ask something about him... I guess he (sir) didn't forget about us. At least before that his first comment from the moment he saw me was "Miss Tedor! Ang ganda ganda mo na ngayon!" WOW. Talk about boosting my self-esteem. I've been feeling ugly for as long as I can remember.

Anywayz, I had to tell him the truth. So I told him, (Mr. and Mrs. Ilmedo was there too, trust me, it was so embarrassing) that we already broke up. ( Mrs. Ilmedo asked why?!!! I was caught off guard!) I nearly cried. I didn't want to talk about it... "Meron na ba siyang iba?" What?! I could feel my tears swelling up!Fortunately for me, it didn't fall.

"E, ganon po talaga."

Thank You Lord for giving me the strength to answer. Sigh... my stay there was brief but I was happy I came back. No... I wasn't able to turn back the time, but I was able to face my fear...my fear of seeing people from my past, feeling sad about him and me not being us anymore. I am so relieved. Thank You Lord for giving me relief.

Now, I'm in LB, wasting the hour away with Pat. LB has changed too, but the memories I had here will never be gone. I feel so ecstatic.

I'm in LB... I got to be home at last.