the new me

Tuloy Pa Rin
Neocolors

Sa wari ko'y
Lumipas na ang kadiliman ng araw
Dahan-dahan pang gumigising
At ngayo'y babawi na

Muntik na
Nasanay ako sa 'king pag-iisa
Kaya nang iwanan ang
Bakas ng kahapon ko

Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin

Kung minsan ay hinahanap
Pang alaala ng iyong halik (alaala ng 'yong halik)
Inaamin ko na kay tagal pa
Bago malilimutan ito

Kay hirap nang maulit muli
Ang naiwan nating pag-ibig (alam ko na 'yan)
Tanggap na at natututo pang
Harapin ang katotohanang ito

Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin

Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko (tuloy pa rin)
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo (hugis ng mundo mo)
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo (hamunin)
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin (tuloy pa rin)
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko (tuloy pa rin)
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo (handang harapin ang mundo)
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin
Tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko
Nagbago man ang hugis ng puso mo
Handa na 'kong hamunin ang aking mundo
'Pagkat tuloy pa rin

******

Yes...life must go on. I had to keep in mind what Mom told me...

...I can cry a river but after that, be sure to hold myself together and move on.

I haven't moved on totally but I definitely am starting to. I had so many realizations... I lost some, but with that loss, I found something more better. I might have lost Jesher but I definitely found God.

I just recently discovered the wonderful life of prayer. Yeah, sure,I used to pray before, but now... praying isn't just praying. Prayer has become something that I cannot live without. There's something different with the way I pray now...I don't know, I feel so touched and blessed everytime. Can you believe it? I thought I learned how to pray ages ago, but I found out I learned how to really pray when I became 22 years old. It helped me change a lot. I learned how to communicate WITH God. I realized what my mistake was. I was busy crying out my whims and all of my hurts. I wasn't listening to what He was saying. I did all the talking. I am trying to change all of that now. I have a clearer idea of what contemplation and reflection means.

Here are the things that my new life of prayer has done for me:

• I am now optimistic (I was such a pessimist before). I found out that I am good in seeing the brighter side of things. I realized I can see the good side of things if I choose to.
• I discovered that starting the day with a prayer makes me less irritable. ( I swear that I am a bitchy person, but recently, I haven't been the bitch I am.I am glad. I feel so much better!)
• There are needs that can't be met by any material thing... there is an emptiness that no one can fill. Only God can give me real peace... and I can feel that peace through praying.
• It had been easier loving those who hate me. It had been easier forgiving all those who had done me wrong.
• It made the process of letting him go easier, because I am assured that God has better plans for the two of us.
• I finally found the courage to face the fact that I am not the one who will make him grow... and that he'll never be the one who will grow spiritually and emotionally with me. Maybe he had to go because that is the only way for me to become closer to God, and that is what matters most.
• I finally found the strength to recall all our good memories. Sometimes it makes me cry but I found out that the more memories I recalled, more parts of him in me are peacefully set free.

I don't know what came over me... I know I need not talk about my prayer life so much. It's just that it changed me a lot and it helped me deal with my life graciously.

Yes... I definitely have to move on. I am trying very hard to move on. It is still hard for me to forget all the pain he caused but little by little, I can feel all my wounds start to really heal. I now know how to be happy. I cannot be with a person who thinks I am one of the reasons why his life's a mess...or that I am someone who makes his life harder to deal with.

I finally learned how to love myself.

I found God... and last but not the least... I found myself.

It's about time I did.