lost road

" Reading all the signs along the way...knowing where I am , not what they say.  My destination's closer day by day, so I can't be concerned with the other side of the road." - The Highways of my life, The Isley Brothers
Except that I do not know where I am, nor can I say that my destination's getting closer.  I am no where half where I want or need to be. :( The other side of the road isn't too far.  I can hear everything that they say...
I know it's the new year, and that I should not start my year being so negative about life.  It's just that sometimes, no matter how you purposefully avoid something you mostly fear, you still end waking up having the same nightmare.  
It will almost be a decade since I last found refuge in that song... the highways of my life by the isley brothers.  It was when a dreadful nightmare came to life, and I did not know how to calm myself.  I think that I might have been too young, but nonetheless, I was the one who brought that nightmare upon myself, so I've only got myself to blame.  
Now the one thing that I fear... is it coming after me again?  Is life really that cruel or am I just willing it to find me?  
I can't concern myself with the other side of the road.  Much as I want to, I need to move along and reach what should be the end of the road that is meant for me.
I can just imagine myself in a deserted beach at night time... just offering up all my sighs to the stars... just staring up at them until my eyes get dry.  I will not care if sand comes flying around me, making me the greatest mess there is... I long for that feeling of total abandon, where I can just feel calm and easy.  
"So I can't be concerned... with the other side of the road..."