Tired of loving him...

"Have you ever felt like you were tired of loving?"

An old friend had asked me.

I thought of all the times that I felt that way. I guess at one major point in my life I got tired of loving someone. The number of times I used the word "tiring, tired, tiresome" in my entries just to say that I was tired... but I never learned. The "tiring" tirade continued because I let it. I just didn't know when to let go. I kept losing in my silent wars because I let myself lose. In one way or another, I was just plain tired, so I went ahead, and allowed myself to die.

"Kilala kita... you dont' ask for too much. You can't blame us for trying to protect you because we don't want to see such a nice person like you getting hurt."

Another great friend recently told me that. I swear I almost cried when he said that.

I know right?! Or more like I don't know. Am I really?

Am I in another quiet battle?

Didn't I say I hate waiting? That I hate hanging by the moment.... because it's painful?

If waiting is painful, then I should stop waiting. If I am starting to feel tired, then I should take a rest.

Easier said than done. :'(

... because I wait for the people I love, and I pathetically, if not willing, then am most certainly ready to lose for them.

I don't know which is hurting more... my pride or my heart?

:'(