Despair

I guess despair, like happiness, could also come like a thief in the night.  It is just so unexpected...

Maybe because it's December and I am away from my loved ones. Or it may be because it's December but in this place I couldn't feel even a tiny spirit of christmas.

Tonight is one of the saddest nights of my life. Today one of the loneliest days too.

I guess I've just been so good with setting my feelings aside for what I think is the greater good. Or maybe all along I am thinking wrongly. Would it be sadder to say that I should be better off alone?

Or maybe these emotions are due to the hormones that are kicking in.

Or maybe because I knew I was right in thinking I'll never belong in any place... not with anyone but me.

All I can do now is pray. All I need is a leap of faith. I used to believe things fall apart for it to fall into place... for it to become a better place. Now I'm not really sure.