popped glove

Pleading that an ever deaf heart would not hear,
Oblivious I look, it may seem.
Pensive...it is what I desire for the world to see that I will be.
Part blissful, part mournful...
Enigmatic, I will once again be.
Divulgent not of what really burns inside of me.

Gallivanting in a hazy world that surrounds me...
Losing myself in where I thought I would be found...
Only these actions can draw myself in an unknown land,
Very confusing though immensely grand.
Everything melts and freezes as the world conspired with this one moment in time.

haiku para kay superman

Haiku

Superman

The great superman...
He saved not the world because
he pined for Ms. Lane.

-----o0o-----

I'm just thinking of what Pat wrote in her blog.

"is it worth to feel the extreme happiness when afterwards you'll just be disappointed?
or is it enough to just feel that great joy even though it wont last?
the world need super heroes.
superman, batman, spiderman yadayadayada.
kayo na lang sumalo ng lahat. hindi naman kayo nasasaktan e."

-An excerpt from Nada, by Patricia Anne Medina, Blue Motorcycle-

...HAY... and it's that not so good sigh again...

Didn't I just write something about converting currents of infatuation to waves of fury?

Well, the thing is, currents are still stronger than waves...and here I am struggling to stop myself from drowning in these currents. Why didn't I become contented with the waves? Life would be more simple and serene.

I feel like I'm drowning deeper and deeper by the minute... if I go any deeper I could lose my life. It breaks me apart to have to live everyday like this... trying to stay out of a lovely trap... forever struggling to leave things the way they should be left, and forgetting what I really feel for the eternal good of all.

I need saving. I need saving so badly. I need someone to save me now.

Superman?
He can't save me.
He can't even save the world now...
He's too busy pining for Lois Lane.

The currents are swallowing me whole. I am lost in an unpleasant, dark and mocking swirl.
Why isn't my anger enough to unleash my own powers so I could be the rescuer of myself?

I am drowning... dangeroulsy drowning.

You know what's scaring the hell out of me?...

... I think I'm loving the feeling.

Patamaan ba si superman?

Who would've thought that the nurse's station at the 8th extension floor of Medical Center Manila would be one of my favorite places on earth?

I didn't think it was possible. I have no other option but to stand all day, get bothered by ringing phones and buzzers, and get lulled to sleep by lifeless charts. How could I possibly love it?

I'm in love with the place for the simplest reasons.

1. Standing there gives me the feeling that I am really a nurse.
2. I don't mind watching doctors and surgeons go over the patients' charts... they are reminders of what I would be in the future. (Ahehe...asa pa!...malay mo naman...It's not yet too late.)
3. Filling out the charts makes me feel that I understand something about being what I have to be.
4. It's not as humid in there as it is in the stretcher room.
5. Staying there gives me the perfect excuse to avoid those who I want to avoid.
6. I usually find peace and quiet in there...(kahit mga five minutes lang, laking tulong yon para sa damdamin kong maraming dinadala.)
7. The precious minutes of being alone gives me time to reflect about my life. About what I feel, about everything that goes inside my head.
8. It is where I find myself after being lost all night wondering in misleading thoughts.

Who cares if my thighs and feet ache like hell at the end of the day?

It's the only place in the entire hospital that wakes me up and reminds me of how my life really works. It's real, frank and plainly true. It doesn't dwell in mendacity, but deals with reality.

9. It is where I can bravely convert currents of infatuation to waves of fury.

10. It saves myself from being my vulnerable, weak and pathetic self.

I gotta love it...

writer's block part two

Running Hours at the 8th Extension Floor

Everything comes alive at the nurse's station...

The nursing cap...
Plain. Bland. Cold.
Apathetic. Proud. Majestic.
It stands still as a corpse.
Useless and sanguine.
Its prestige accounts not for what it's worth.

IV infusion...
Transparent. Aloof. Guarded.
Frightened. Hurting. Begging.
It pleads silenty for its life.
Pitiful and tragic.
It self destructs with every drip in order to construct another.

10 cc syringe...
Ebullient. Erect. Fierce.
Cruel. Blood thirsty. Merciless.
It waits ferociously in broad day light.
Vaunting and taunting.
It brings misery in order to cure.

I... a mere of a person.
Invisible. Prejudged. Hollow.
Hopeless. Bitter. Tired.
I drown in my soliloquy.
Silent and loud.
I breathe in vain... wanting not to be seen and be seen at the same time.