Of kindness and regrets

I took a photo of our table in Cafe Mary Grace, sometime in December of 2017. 

"When I remember people who hurt me, this piece of thought always gives me comfort.  Just a little reminder that I should not regret giving away sincere kindness even to those who did not deserve it." -said my 2018 self. 

I kept this photo in my gallery, because it always consoles me, every time I find myself wasting my act of goodwill on someone.  Today, I needed to have a look at it again.  

I am not saying outright that I am a kind person, but I try my best to be.  God has been very consistent in giving me the people that I need.  One friend I met here in UAE, is a testament of that.  She's the one who helped me overcome my annoyance towards harmless things.  Over the years, being her friend led me to discover how being kind, is good for my heart.   Also, having been changed by the events of the past year, I couldn't care less anymore, if some would just take my kindness, as weakness. 

The point of this post? 

I am trying to be kind to myself too. Every time I make a mistake, the one who beats me up hard the most, is myself.  

I have been naive, for thinking, somehow, a certain someone would think, the way I think... would feel, the way I feel... would believe, in what I believe in.  I chose to ignore the warnings my friends gave me, but now I know better.  Let this be a great lesson for me. 

I remember what Mom used to say to me... " Hindi bale kung hindi sila tunay na mabait sayo, basta ikaw, alam mong naging mabait ka sa kanila. Hindi bale, kung hindi talaga sila nangangailangan, basta ikaw tumulong ng walang pagaalinlangan. Wala kang pagsisihan pagdating sa huli." 

How right my Mom was.