A forgotten backstory

 Because Spotify randomly played a song I haven't heard for a long time...

It took me back to one night in 2007. 

Dad gave me a ride, because it was the only way he could be sure I would arrive at my destination safe.  Was on the way to a hospital in Manila for night duty, I was still on my nursing student years.  The drive from Navy Village where we lived at the time, didn't take that long. I just remember Gwen Stefani's song blasting in the background.  I was trying my best to keep my cool so dad would not notice, that I was almost out of my wits... with all the confusion eating me up inside.  We took a left turn in Quirino Avenue from Osmena Highway, and I was so uncertain of what I should do. 

"Meet me downstairs before you come up to the 8th floor. " The text message said. 

Why should I? Was he for real? Was he even in Manila? I was well aware their group was supposed to be in Pasay. Why would he still be in Manila at such an hour? Did he plan not to go home? How can I meet him when my dad was dropping me off? What would I say to dad when he asked me who that person is? What would my groupmates think of it? 

I couldn't possibly! Well, I didn't say yes, so I went straight to the 8th floor. 

Before our duty officially started, there was a bit of commotion, because apparently, my groupmates saw him by the entrance.  Waiting, they assumed, for one of our groupmates, who was his old flame.  The topic lasted the whole night, and the teasing seemed to go on forever. 

I didn't know what to make of it.  I was always the quiet one, and I couldn't bring myself to say, actually he was waiting for me.  So that night, I kind of bailed on him.   

Everything went by like a blur after that night.  The culmination of it all, would be a confrontation in the cafeteria, between me and our Clinical Instructor, with some of our classmates as witnesses.  They asked me about the real score between him and me. 

I couldn't give our CI an answer, because I was so clueless about what he felt, or of what he was trying to imply.  Everything about him was a cloud of incertitude.  

I guess some things never change. 

~o0o~

More than a decade of knowing you, 

and yet we still find ourselves here... 

at the edge of the road of indecisions. 

We walked for a long time together, 

until you let go of my hand, 

when you kept promising you never would.

We walked different paths. 

I made sure to never concern myself with your side of the road,  

as I've got my own track to tread. 

What the heck? 

What is your intent, walking by my side again? 

when I have long learned to trudge on my own.