painful christmas

Pain makes you feel alive... a dear friend of mine made an excellent point.

Well... if that is true, then I therefore conclude that you make me feel alive.

When I wake up each morning thanking God for another day that I have you... I feel pain when I think of the possibility that it might be the last day.

When I am touched with what you do and say... I feel pain because of the fear that you only meant it at the moment... and that what you said will expire in a given time line.

When you think too much and forget that what I feel for you cannot ever be fathomed and you push me away and make me feel like I'm so easy to ignore... need I say more?

"I need you to know how much I want you. I'm broken, I'm dying. I need you to know how much I want to care... When a thousand years isn't long enough."

Ah... yes. Pain. You make me feel so alive... so alive.

My head throbbed non stop the whole day and my chest and abdominal muscles ached like hell. Haha... so convenient to fall sick on christmas day. Hope I never wake.

"Try, to look at me and really see my heart. Do you expect me to believe, I'm gonna let us fall apart?... It's not supposed to hurt this way, I need you, I need you, more and more each day."

Those songs of the moment again. :'(

By the way... happy christmas.