keep running back to you

no matter how i try to change, something about me never leaves. there are just some things about me that i cannot let go of.

like the fact that even though i am so at home with writing my entries in my multiply site, i still feel more comfortable writing my heart out using my original blogspot blog. i'm just pretty sure no one would be reading my entries here but a few of those who really are interested about what's going on with my life. that fact makes this "sharing of random thoughts" more private.

the much awaited/feared review for the local nursing board exam already started this week. before i knew it, the week was over and i have the weekend to relax and enjoy.

i didn't expect it to be so tiring. not to mention, very very stressful and frustrating. first of all, i feel like i've learned nothing from all the years i studied nursing. second, i am so frightened of not meeting my loved ones' expectations of me passing the boards with just one take. it's just that they believe in me so much... i am not sure if deserve their faith. third, i am having a hard time studying. i swear! i am so disappointed at how bad i've become at it.

the moment i get home, i feel like the world is stumbling down on me. i am not that depressed... yet. i am wishing that i will never be. that wouldn't really help, right? i think i've been a bum for too long that having to wake up so early in the morning have become such a burden to me.

SIGH... and here i am sighing that not so good sigh again. i am having such a hard time. i am so afraid.

yet, here i am just standing not so still, but trying very hard to keep going. it is a bit early for giving up.

scared, scared, scared. i am just so scared.

i know i've failed for so many times before, but this would be one possible failure that i don't wanna make. don't know how i would handle it.

i wanna cry, but i'm too tired to do it.