A little too late

Just this afternoon, I was engaged in a petty heated argument... because of a certain question that I did admittedly did not fully understand.  The conversation ended with me feeling sad.  Maybe it was because of the way things abruptly ended.  Like I was waiting to hear something more reassuring but all I got was anger and a cold shoulder.  I felt like I deserved the short attention only because it needed to be reiterated to me that I was wrong about something.

I was feeling downhearted... and then Pink's "True Love" started playing on the radio.  As in it played probably less than ten seconds after the conversation was cut.  I listened to the lyrics...

Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say
Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face
There's no one quite like you
You push all  my buttons down
I know life would suck without you

At the same time, I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck
You're an asshole but I love you
And you make me so mad I ask myself
Why I'm still here, or where could I go
You're the only love I've ever known
But I hate you, I really hate you
So much, I think it must be...

True love...true love. It must be true love. Nothing else can break my heart like true love. It must be true love.  No one else can break my heart like you.

The moment the chorus ended, I laughed to myself and felt good.  Yeah right.  True love. I like the way the lyrics were so simple, and yet so honest.  Kind of hit me right through the gut.  It made me believe in all the good things that I have in my life.  I am in an imperfect relationship, but at least I have someone to love.

The day progressed and all my positive thoughts were rewarded with silence.  That tugging ache started to come back again.  I tried to ignore it the best way I could.  Told myself off for being the paranoid fool I've always known to be... Hours passed...

...and then this moment...of feeling a little less loved...

When I let the butterfly fly away. :'(  I see it leaving, and I just let it leave.  No use in holding it back. :'(

Thank you Pink... but unfortunately, my life right now will not be as chaotic and happy as your song.  Tonight, I would have to deal with just a chaotic one... and all the silence.

Maybe it's time to accept defeat... maybe sometimes, giving your best and doing your best just really won't cut it... because it's not meant to be.