The view from Dr. H's room.
More than a month now, since summer in the sandpit had begun.
Out with our shawls that we use as sheilas, If only to try to protect us from the blazing sun, and the sweltering heat. Suffocating sandstorms on the trot for weeks. All the dust invading my poor sighted eyes, my nose with its permanently damaged mucosa (because of the swabs it had, and still has to go through), and my post Covid sensitive throat.
It would always be the same scenario.
After punching out at work, would scurry off to catch the bus, while ensuring I did the best I could to shield myself from the inferno like warmth. The temperature would reach to 47°C, and it's more than my body could take. Hello migraine and nosebleed!
This week was different.
On the way to work on Monday morning, the clouds were gloomy. It kind of gave me a dreary feeling. The slapping wind was not the usual humid blow I was used to. The trees were swaying restlessly. A rare sight in the Middle East, for it looked as if a storm was brewing.
I thought to myself, even the weather was reflecting the way I was feeling inside.
I have been going through another emotional turmoil. I was doubting, if my decisions of late, were the right ones. Was I heading in the right direction? If I was, why does something keeps going wrong? I always say to myself, if it's meant to be, it will just be. My carefree side was being dampened by a sudden feeling of hopelessness. Lord, do I not deserve what You gave me? Shall I give this up, or shall I press on? Why did it have to be this difficult? Crying it out did not give me any sort of relief. The people around me did not fall short of encouraging me. I was in such anguish, it was too much for me.
The sullen climate continued 'till Wednesday. I learned from the news that it rained heavily in another emirate (Fujairah), and it caused a massive flooding. In Abu Dhabi, however, we were just met by a pleasant drizzle. It made me feel better. Maybe the storm was all inside my head, and things were not as irreparable as I thought they were.
Thursday, the sun was regaining its lost shine. For me, a couple of good news finally came. At long last, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. I felt the weight I was carrying drop off my shoulders. Truly grateful for *Hubbybi's substantial effort to attend to our personal affairs. I admit, I did not expect it from him. He really has a knack for leaving me astonished. He was also very patient with my hormonal outbursts. I appreciate the fact that though he just laughed at me, he still suggested a good compromise. Just when I thought everything was falling apart, some things started falling into place. 💚
A time when I was feeling somber, and decided to play it out with Cordy,
Weekend was restful, which I am thankful for. I feel ready and eager to start the week tomorrow.
Was able to take a power nap in the afternoon of Saturday (yesterday), and was able to video call my loved ones, after waking up. Decided to loosen up during the night, by drinking dry white crisp wine, while he was chugging down his cold beer. Meaningful conversations, senseless, but funny gossips, life stories... Again, simple joys, but ever so priceless. 💚
Sunday (today), finished all my chores, with enough time left for me to ponder about my week. Here I am writing it out.
No matter how chaotic my life could be at times, God will always have ways to make me see some sense in it. I know my hormonal meltdowns are far from being over, but I will sleep tonight, with the comfort of knowing, that the good times always out number the bad.
A genuine goodbye, can indeed be a way. to lead you to your forever.
Closing my musing with lines from Sting and Sheryl Crow's song:
"Well they say that love is in the air (never is it clear),
how to pull it close and make it stay.
Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away?
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why.
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life?
When you know that I was always on your side?"
*Formulated the term of endearment Hubbybi, from the word "HABIBI", which is an Arabic word that translates to: my love, my dear, my darling or beloved.
